I Lied

So here I am posting.

Everything is going great right now it seems. I'll fill in some background just in case anyone reads this so they are no confused.

Five years ago I met a girl online. We emailed back and forth every now and then, nothing too serious as I still have a few people I keep in touch with. About two years ago that all changed. She became more interested in me and I in her. We talked on the phone everyday for about two months as she told me all the details of this amazing life she had and promised to visit me, she even sent fake pictures. Looking back I knew it was a lie but I wanted to believe it so I did.

She finally felt guilty enough to confess to me and I was understandably angry. This was about two months later. We didn't really talk for a few weeks but then I forgave her and we started talking again. She explained her childhood and why she thought she had lied. She had just wanted me to like her and she thought that would help apparently. I thought about it and even found it a little interesting. She sent some real pictures of herself through the mail and even sent me a birthday present. She was beautiful by the way.

Unfortunately this time was not much better, if maybe a little more subdued. She kept telling little lies, like she was in a car accident, or she hurt herself some other way. I was more suspicious this time and I knew she was lying from the holes in her stories but I didn't say anything hoping she would stop. I did like her and she was a great person despite these things, so I didn't want to give up.

She did try to visit me at this time and it is one thing I do believe but it wasn't meant to be I guess. It was on my birthday of all times. The night before on the phone I had a bit to drink and spoke my feelings, saying she was too afraid to meet me. She decided to prove it by visiting me by suprise, problem being I went out that night. I ended up getting arrested(public intoxication), thrown in jail, working through a hangover. I didn't got home until 6pm the next day, upon which I found quite a few angry messages. She had been at the airport trying to reach me but no one was home. She eventually went back home about 12 hours later.

She then said she had a job in New York and was working there and in her country, this was about four months from the start of everything. I was excited because she was close to me but never really believed it. She promised to visit me for christmas, so this kept me going despite everything. When christmas never materialized I finally confronted her and broke up.

I wouldn't talk to her about it for a long time. When I get mad I have a problem with talking about things, something I am always trying to fix and have since gotten much better. I dated other girls a bit for a few months, nothing really special. We did talk a few times, she was upset when I told her I was dating someone else(though she didn't tell me at the time). She also started dating someone else, to which I admit was a little jealous.

Eventually around five months later(or eleven since the start), I had 'calmed down' enough to talk about it. Her reasons were the same as last time. I am not much for third chances but maybe I am a sucker. She was genuine as always, if not a bit misguided.

This time was much better but not the same. There were no more lies that I could tell but she had started night school the year before and it was starting to get busy in combination with her daytime job. It was rocky on and off for a few months. She came to Canada for vacation when we were broken up and that seems to change things. She went to Vancouver mind you, on the other side of the country. We talked a lot and she wanted to try again. She tried to visit me at the end of her vacation but it didn't work out, though I think she lied about that.

We planned to meet on christmas again. She was still really busy and I was lucky if I heard from her once a week. We talked about it, and how I wasn't happy with it but that I would keep trying. Two weeks before christmas she said she couldn't visit me. In combination with everything else I was angry/heartbroken and I broke up with her.

So this time it was mostly my fault and I know I was a big jerk about it, but I was still angry. I feel like even more of a dirtbag since one of the reasons she was so busy was supposed to be a suprise for me. She was organizing a job in Canada so she could move here. Of course I didn't find this out until a few months later.

She tried to talk about it with me, and I did talk about it. The work talk here is decieving because it implies discussion when there was none. I was set that is wasn't going to work and wanted to try something else. I met someone else online and we started going out about a month after christmas. That went really well for a few months but we eventually broke up six months later due to time and distance problems, as well as other things explained below.

We talked on and off in the meantime. She was really sorry about everything somehow, even though it wasn't really her fault. She said I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she wouldn't give up on me. Eventually it got to me and I decided to end my current relationship which was having problems anyway, and try it yet again.

This was two months ago and a lot has happened since. I explained that in order to try it again, it had to be serious. So here were are back to the start. I have two weeks holidays booked on my birthday in five weeks. My passport is arriving in one week, at which time I am buying a plane ticket. She has done a lot of research on moving to Canada and is in the process of getting a work visa for next year hopefully.

Now I know we are both crazy, so you don't need to tell me that. I mean, we haven't even met yet and we talk all the time about our life together. We have probably talked on the phone for over a thousand hours in the past two years and usually talk two or three hours a night. I really do love her in case you were wondering.

In exactly five week from now I will be there. It has been a long road to this point and this story leaves out as much as it includes. This could be my future, or just another memory. As much as I'd like to tell you I know everything will be perfect, we can only wait and see.