Something

There is something on my mind and I don't know what it is. It's in there somewhere, pushing on all sides. I can't ignore it anymore so I am here to find out what it is.

If I write out my thoughts it always helps. I feel stressed out and it's never a good thing. Something is bothering me and it no doubt has to do with my girlfriend. The foremost thing that comes to mind is that she is so far away. Maybe that's part of it but it's not the whole thing.

I know how much she loves me but recently it became very clear how much I mean to her. It is a really great thing but a lot of responsibility I think, having someone that cares that much. In that the price of failure is great and you could possibly destroy someone's life with the wrong decision. It is also a great thing, that with the right decisions you can make someone's life. I know I can and do make her very happy.

We're not in the best situation right now. We're finding out more all the time how hard it is to be countries apart. There are several ways to be together and the easiest is also the biggest responsibility, that being marriage. There are work visas and study visas and a few other ways that are quite hard to arrange, but if it doesn't work out then not so much is lost. Trying to be together while being apart is not such as easy thing.

It could be my own personal time that I feel I lack, or the lack of together time I crave. I wish I knew. Now you would think that I would have a lot of personal time being apart but it feels as if my day is dictated by her need for attention. I can understand the need for attention as I know I need it myself but I also need the freedom to do as I wish sometimes without worrying about hurt feelings.

I can only hope to stay the course and to do so I must be able to resolve any problems that come my way. We all hope to know ourselves better than any of us actually do. There are things inside that don't always do what we would consciously wish of them.

No one ever said life was easy and I know I have yet to see anything close to the hard parts. I do feel that I am close to the start of that journey and I can only hope for enough strength and foresight to meet these challenges in the years to come.