Meanwhile...

I had almost completely forgotten about this blog. In fact I had almost completely forgotten how nice it is to write out what is on your mind.

To start, I ended up moving to Switzerland about a month and a half early in on May 13th, 2005. My then fiance's grandmother who she was very close to died, so I packed up everything in a matter of hours and headed over to Switzerland. Other than that unfortunate death, everything went very well.

First we lived with my then fiance's friend for a few months and I looked after her two young girls during the day. In August we moved to an apartment and my then fiancee started a new job. We got married on January 13th, 2006 and had a nice honeymoon in Canada where she got to meet my whole extended family.

I started German classes and began looking for work, and here we are 18 months later! Happily married, with a dog, and still taking German classes and looking for work! It's still not easy, but I try to stay positive. Well, the marriage is easy, at least I think as easy as marriages can get! Despite the fact that we are quite different we fit together very well. It's the living in a foreign country away from your family where you must learn the language despite not being a very social person that's not so easy! Money is not as issue(thank goodness) as my Wife has a good job that can support us both.

So yeah, despite the difficulties I try to stay motivated. My motivation tends to wear down after months however if I don't pay attention. Which is what has led me back here. Without motivation I am more of a passenger in my own life than the driver, which when I think about it scares me. You only live once and I don't want to miss it or have any regrets about things I wish I had done!

It's so easy to just fall into a routine when everything is mostly the same every week. To take things for granted that shouldn't be taken for granted and start to forget what it is you live for. To forget that it is the little things that matter the most. The emails, the little notes, the small spontaneous gifts, a few words and a loving look. The motivations, the daily goals, the little challenges. Taken individually they mean little, but when you put them all together they are the essence of life and of happiness.

Now about my Wife; she is many things, all of which are dear to me, even the parts that I don't always like. She is loving, and caring, sometimes overbearing! She is thoughtful, and helpful, sometimes bossy! She is motivated, and optimistic, and sometimes stubborn! She is my light, my life, my world. Sometimes it's easy to forget that when you see the same person everyday, despite what you might have thought in the past. Sometimes it's necessary to do more than just what is expected of you.

Life. It reminds me of a locomotive. In the beginning everything is going very slowly. A year seems to last forever, but you're too young to really care or cherish it. Before long it's going by at a good pace, it doesn't seem to fast or too slow but you wish it would hurry up anyway. Then before you realize it, events in your life are flying by at a fast pace and if you try to focus on any one event close to you, it is gone before you ever really see it. I can only imagine how much faster it gets from here, once kids come into the picture. I can see myself at fifty looking back at today like it was only yesterday. So I hope between now and then I remember to take time to look at the big picture. If you don't try to focus on anything too close to you, and you step back and look at your entire life before you, both past and future, it all becomes clearer.

I am happy here. I miss my family, friends, and some old hobbies, but I am happy. What I am doing is not something that many people get to experience and I am happy for it and that I can share it with one who means so much to me.

This is life! I have to remind myself from time to time to make sure I am living it!

Intricacies of Life

Here I am again. And if I am here you know it's for a reason, not always good. This place being my not-so-private rant space to sort out what the hell I am thinking sometimes.

Everything is going great. So great that I couldn't possibly hope for anything better. All our plans are working out exactly as we had hoped and everything is on track for me to be in Switzerland in a little over two months. The whole process of moving there is relatively simple and we have all the information on what we need to do. Amazing!

Except there is something bothering me and I have no idea what it is. Best I can guess up to this point is that it is a combination of many factors but that's what I am here to find out for sure. I am not unsure about the whole idea. I am fully committed to building a new life there and all the challenges associated with that. However, there is a certain amount of anxiety assoicated with any such situation. It's not exactly easy to leave a place you've lived for twenty-three years for a place where you know relatively little. I barely even speak the language as of this point.

I am beginning to hate my job more and more everyday. I have six months to live in Switzerland before I can legally get a job after I am married, basically six months holidays. You would think that knowing you're leaving in two months for six months vacation would make it easier but in fact it makes it harder, knowing that you're that close to freedom! Not really a big deal overall, my job isn't that hard, just crappy.

Being apart from the person you love for months at a time isn't easy either. It was never a normal relationship from the start, but this part never gets easier. It is great knowing that we'll never have to do that again though.l

I still don't know what the problem is. I don't think there really is a problem. I just miss my babe and can't wait to be with her again to start the rest of our lives together.

Another Day

It's nearly another half month gone by, feels like so much longer since my last post. While most things are good and the same as before, I am now moving in 4.5 months. I have to start selling my things off now, I am really going to miss my dirtbike! Anyone want to buy a brand new canoe?

The weeks have been rather eventful but nothing I really feel like discussing. I am just content to pass the next few months by as fast as humanly fucking possible.

In other news, eating healthily is going well for me. By just eating foods that are actually good for me, and in proper proportion, I've lost 10lbs. That's pretty damn good considering about 7 of that 10 is body fat(I have one of those nifty scales that tells you your body fat percentage). Just hoping I can fit in some gym time sometime to replace that lost weight with some muscle.

It's not that I was even close to fat in the first place, I am just interested in living better. It is working because I usually feel great and look better everyday.

Here's a pic of fat old me for reference:

The New Life

Well enough with being vague and mysterious. Not much of a point when I am pretty much talking to myself anyways. There have been many new and interesting developments in my life as of late.

First, I am getting married. To be honest with you, my life and been pretty plain and uneventful to this point and I welcome the change it will bring. I have the odd fun here and there but mostly it feels like just putting in time. Now I'll be out in the world building my own life with the woman I love. Many challenges lay ahead and I have no doubt in our strength as people, or as a couple, to face any and all of them.

Second is a more recent development. Up until a week ago, the plan was that she was to move here to Canada. Now due to family priorities, as well as some financial incentives, it may be me who is headed to live over the sea. My immediate thought is that this is great, that it will be fun and provide a great chance for personal growth. But not all of me agrees with this. While I am not overly family-centric, I do have a pretty close family. I believe deep down, despite what my outward thoughts would be, that this will not be so easy. I really do want to move but my girlfriend can sense this hesitation and in it sees doubt, even when that is not really the case.

I have no doubt that all will work out, and that I will be off to Europe in as little as seven months. But being so far apart in the meantime is not an easy road. I take heart that it will continue to build in me the character I will need in the years ahead when I have a family and real decisions to make.

Randomness

I thought is was about time to rant for the sake of ranting. That and I am a little bored with work this morning.

Motivation is something that has been on my mind, or not on my mind depending on how you look at it. I am, by all standards, a fairly laid-back individual. While this is great at times, I find I have serious problems with self-motivation. While I can muster some motivation for exciting new ideas and challenges, keeping that motivation is rather difficult.

While I do appreciate being me, if there is one thing I could instantly change about myself it would be that. I say instantly because changing it is possible otherwise, I even know how to do it. It's just a difficult process that requires some motivation itself...

Take for example my writing skill. I would love to write a book but I defintely don't have the ambition and motivation to take on such a project myself. That's also a self-defeating attitude and doesn't help... If I think I am going to fail than I obviously am. There are many other things that I am good at and I believe I have the capacity to excel at almost anything if I could learn the ability to motivate myself efficiently.

That should be my New Year's Resolution, a challenge of grand scale that would encompass any smaller resolutions which would be doomed to fail without motivation to drive them.

A New Year

Another new year...

The symbolism escapes no one and has become an ingrained ritual in our culture. It is a time for fresh starts and new beginnings, often to wash away or undo the mistakes of the past, or start upon the path to a dream.

I started with certainty on a new path this year, though it was only co-incidence that it happened at this time of the year. It should be a long path, and by the very nature of it I hope that it is. Though it is defintely not an easy path as I have already seen and it promises to get no easier in the near future.

If anything it will continue to be a great life experience.

The Result

The decision has been made and the die for my future has been recast. While the result is not yet guaranteed, it is almost certain. We have to wait three weeks before we will see for sure. I am confident in the decision and cannot wait to see where it takes me in life.

It's exciting for sure, to be on the edge of the unknown. I have always been one to embrace change and attempt to understand anything I do not comprehend. Therefore the unknown is exciting and not frightening as it is to some. The vast amount of new experiences and situations will be interesting to say the least.

This is where life truly begins...