Revelation

It's probably healthy to have someplace to ramble, here under the unjudging eyes of the odd stranger. Plus it helps sharpen my underused writing skills. You have to admit, they are still pretty sexy.

We had a good talk today, my GF and I. As I may or may not have mentioned, she has an uncanny ability to know exactly how I feel, regardless of whether I would like her to or not. I was hoping to quietly work through my little issue and not bother her with it. Only problem is, she knew what was going on as well as I. She has an odd sort of thought pattern in where she tends to blame a lot of problems on herself when they are not her problems. If I am not happy then it is all her fault and she can't make me happy, when the truth is almost exactly opposite.

I am unhappy because I want to be together with her but can't. This is not something with an easy solution and must be dealt with until such a time that we can be together. She tends to see it as me not being happy and that she is destroying my life through this. Then she feels very badly and nobody is happy. The only good solution would be for us to be together, but as we already know, easier said than done.

What is also scaring her is the similarity of this situation that lead to us breaking us last year. I can see her point as it does look similar from her point of view. From mine however, it is completely different. Things have gone so well recently, I care for her so much more than last year and would never want to hurt her is anyway if any solution was possible.

I think it's getting better but I still have to better deal with being apart. Stress puts a major strain on all parts of my life including her and makes my job hell. While I could deal with that for a while, eventually I would go fucking crazy. The answers are always there, it's finding them that's the hard part. Until next time...